Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Letter from Mom.

    Today we got a letter from Mom. She is in jail for a few months. I didn't know at first if I really wanted to read it to the twins, but then did because they have the right to know what's going on. It is their life. I was afraid of how it would affect them.
     At first Baileigh was mad. Steven was very quiet. Baileigh has been having anger issues with her mom for a while now. She loves her but she is mad at her. I think both feeling together confuse her, and she doesn't know what to do with her anger so we get it. Thanks. :)  And there were things in the letter that made her angry. Promises her mom made that she finds hard to believe because promises have been made before and not kept, so she doesn't believe they will be kept this time. Why should she?
     The rest of the evening didn't go badly. Steven was fine. Baileigh had some issues but did okay with some extra attention and a large dose of patience.  At bedtime though Steven started crying when I was reading to him. When I asked him why he was crying he said he didn't want to die. I was reading Dr. Seuss, there was no mention of dying so I have no idea where that came from, but he was very upset. I just held him til he stopped crying and went to sleep.
      They did both color pictures for their mother which I will try to mail out tomorrow.
      The whole thing just makes me even sadder. She said she will do better when she gets out. I hope so, but like the children I have heard these promises before and find it hard to believe. I, like the children, would like to believe, but I'm afraid it will have to be proved to be believed. Words are easy. Actions, more difficult.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

It makes me sad. :(

     I really never thought it would go like this. I wanted to believe that it would be different. That, when faced with the choice, they would choose their children, but they didn't.  I try to tell myself that they didn't do it on purpose, that it's because of their life circumstances, that it's because of their problems, but I just can't do it.
     There have been people who have said that I wanted this. I wanted the twins to be mine. That's just not true. I love the twins. We love the twins. And we do want them, now.  But, it was not planned.
     What I wanted, all those years ago, was for just one, either one, of their parents, to step up and be the Mom or Dad that all the children needed them to be. And it didn't happen.
     So here we are, 8 years later, and everything is still as messed up as it was in the beginning. And, now, because of the bad choices their parents have made, all the children are having problems as well.
     I don't have a lot more to say. Because it really doesn't matter what I say, nothing changes. We will continue to do what we have been doing for the last 8 years. We will love and care for the twins, and try to raise them to be different. Try to teach them to make good choices. Adults, parents, need to realize that the choices they make don't only effect them, they effect their children, and all those involved.