Sunday, January 30, 2011

Questions?

These are our twins, B & S. They are good children. We have been their guardians for almost 6 yrs. S was diagnosed as bipolar this last summer. B has anxiety/sensory issues, although she seems to be doing well right now. S has frequent meltdowns although those too have slowed down due to medication. Their mother is also bipolar and was recently arrested for breaking and entering, forgery, and I don't know what else. She finally called tonight crying to tell me how embarassed and sorry she was. She wants to come talk to me and then the kids. To "explain" things to them. She says she will probably get probation b/c of her mental state. My question is, where does responsibility and choice come in? Can she just blame all her problems on the bipolarism? And how much do the kids need to know? Does she need to tell them every little bit of what has happened? She is probably going to be hospitalized for a few weeks at least.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Time to vent.

    Well, I think the time has come. Since most everyone knows anyway I might as well put it down in writing for everyone, like everyone reads my blog, lol, to see. I think I'm a bit numb from this entire week. It's been like a whirlwind. Sunday night, I think it was, the twin's Aunt sends me a message saying "Had I heard about their mom?" No, I hadn't heard. I figured she was going to tell me she was in the hospital. That wouldn't have been a shock. She's been headed that way for a while now. But no, it wasn't the hospital. It was jail. She'd been arrested for breaking and entering, burglary, forgery, I don't know what else.
    We thought if she got out on bail she had to go straight to a clinic, but no, today I heard she was out and home. And this was her weekend to have the kids. I was worried, scared, all day that the phone would ring and it would be her and she would want the kids. I had contacted a lawyer about getting a order of protection on her, but backed out because I thought she was going to go to the hospital.
    So today I find out that her (A) Her boyfriend has bailed her out, and (B) She did not go to the hospital. So all afternoon I worried that she would call and want the kids. I called the Circuit Clerks office who called the States Attorney, who said that if she did call there was nothing we could do about it. So I stressed, and I worried, and I know, "Trust God".
     Well she did not call. The twins are safely at home with us. And my head doesn't hurt so bad. Now we're good for another two weeks before her weekend comes up again.
     My question is? Should I go ahead and talk to the lawyer? What should I do to protect the children? I'm really just hoping that Monday when she goes to the Dr. that they put her in the hospital, and that she is too embarassed and ashamed to call me.
    I am very disappointed in her. I have always tried to be fair. To be kind. To be nice. To care about her. But now I find that I am tired. I only care about the welfare of the twins. She is on her own.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

In a Perfect World.....

In a perfect world, all parents would love their children more than they love themselves......

In a perfect world, all children would live with their mother, their father, their brothers and sisters......

In a perfect world, there would be no pain in a childs life, in their eyes, in their hearts......

In a perfect world, children wouldn't pay for the mistakes their parents have made......

In a perfect world, we would all be perfect.....

Too bad it's not a perfect world.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Just have to brag!

    At least a little bit, about how wonderfully today went. Sometimes days off with the twins, when there's no where to go and nothing to do tend to be a bit touchy. Today was a really good day. There were a few touch and go moments but then they are children and therefore are allowed to behave like such. But they were basically wonderful today. It probably has something to do with the fact that all three of us are now medicated. Kind of sad isn't it? But if it helps, then I'll accept it. Baileigh's new medicine has really helped her. All of the sudden the little girl who I basically had to force to get up and dressed every day, is getting up on her own, picking out her own clothes, and getting dressed, ALL BY HERSELF! And if it's her new medicine that's helping her to do this, more power to it. And I think Steven's new medicine is helping too. I wasn't sure at first b/c I didn't see much difference, but it takes a few days for new meds to really take hold and I think now that it is helping. He still gets up way too early for me anyway, and hits the floor running. I just hit the floor. And he still has a problem with his mouth first thing in the morning. It's like he can't control what's coming out of it, and it takes the medicine about half an hour to take hold and then you can tell he's better, til it wears off and then another pill, another half hour and he's okay again. But I don't feel so much like I'm walking on eggshells around him and he hasn't had a rage since last Friday, over a week. I'm very pleased about this. We played alot of games today. They always seem to need to be entertained. Are not good about entertaining themselves. But they also helped me with the house work. Steven vacuumed, Bay washed the kitchen floor. They helped clean out their hamster cages. I am so very pleased with the way today went. I hate to get my hopes up, b/c who knows what tomorrow will bring. But today was good and I am thankful for that.

Friday, January 21, 2011

What I want......

for the twins is for them to have the best possible life they can have. I don't know why that has to be so hard for them. They have a myriad of problems, some genetic, some caused b/c  of things in their lives they have no control over. All I want is for them to be happy, well adjusted children who can grow up to be happy, responsible adults. But I am afraid, b/c of their problems, that this will be an unatainable dream. I don't want it to be a dream, I want it to be a reality. I've just has a place called Transitions call me b/c of Steven's little rage at the Drs. office last week and it upset me. I'm sure. I know. It's for the best. Any help we can get for them is a good thing. Right? So why do I feel sad about it?

A Steven Story

   Just had to share this one. After coming home yesterday afternoon from sledding, Steven lay down to take a nap. At supper time I tried to wake him and he told me he just wanted to sleep a little longer. Then I tried again a little later. He thought it was morning and told me he didn't want to go to school. I explained that it was night time and he needed to get up and eat something. He went back to sleep. Davey came home and talked to him, but to no avail. So we ate and spent the evening with one child, who I am sure enjoyed all the attention she was getting. After getting her to be around 7:30 Davey headed up to church to do his favorite thing, plow snow. I went into the kitchen to get a snack, when I turned around there was Steven wandering into the front room. It was 8:30 by now. He asked me if there was school today. I explained, again, that it was night time. He said no it wasn't, Dayday wasn't here, he was at work. I said no, he's plowing, and look it's dark out and Bay is in bed. We went back to his bed and lay down for a while. He just couldn't go back to sleep. I assumed he was hungry so offered to make him some oatmeal. Okay. So Davey comes home around 9:00 and Steven and I are in the front room watching cartoons. Around 9:45 Davey and Steven headed to bed together, and I headed to my own bed by myself. He then slept for the remainder of the night until 6:43 this morning. Life is never boring around here.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Feeling like poo

LOL Had to laugh at my title. Good. I need something to laugh about. Just went to the Dr. today. Have been trying to put it off and heal myself but that wasn't working. Too  much stress in my life and it's affecting me emotionally and physically. Just last week the kids' child psych put me on a couple anxiety meds. One for daytime, one to help me sleep. Had a problem with that as I've always thought of myself as a strong person, don't like the idea of having to take drugs. But realize that in order to properly take care of the twins I have to be able to cope, so fine. But now on top of it all, my ulcerative colitis has decided to be a pain in the butt, literally, and the Drs. has proclaimed a very strict diet for Karen, and no more coffee, tea, or hot chocolate. Because even the ones that say caffeine free, have caffeine in them. This is ridiculous! They might has well put me away right now b/c I cannot survive like this. Okay, the twins, who have been gone sledding, are now home so that's all for now.

Growing up

   I have noticed recently, little things that tell me that the twins are growing up. While I am proud of these little accomplishments, it also makes me a little sad. They are growing up so quickly. I'm already thinking about what to do for their 8th birthday. Yes, I'm a little ahead of myself, it's not until May.
   Now back to their little accomplishments. Nothing major, but I have noticed them. Little things like knowing when they want to go to bed. And now I can just say, go brush your teeth, and after I say it a couple of times, they go do it, all by themselves, without having to have me there to help. AND getting dressed by themselves. Steven has been doing this by himself for awhile, but Baileigh, because of her sensory issues, has always been difficult to get dressed, but recently she has been doing much better. One day this week she actually got out her own outfit and was in the process of getting dressed when I got out of the shower.
   In April we will have had them for 6 yrs.. They are growing up too fast.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The twins

First of all I will say, to anyone who might be worried, that I will never post a picture of the twins on here. I will protect their privacy. I will also not say anything on here that would ever hurt them, and that means saying anything about people they love who sometimes cause me grief. I only want a place to pour out my feelings. To help me sort out what my life has become. To maybe reach out to others who may be in a similar place. I love my twins. I will never give up on them. But raising them is hard. This is not what I thought my life would be. But it is what it is.

The twins, as I said before have multiple problems. I have learned that they call it alphabet soup. We have, between the two of them, ADHD, ODD, ADD, SAD, plus Bi-polarism, and sensory issues. I don't know what the alphabet soup labels for the last two are, but we have 'em none the less. And that is why I feel the need to blog. I have all this stuff running around in my head, and really no where to let it out. I hate always venting to family and friends, and I'm sure they hate hearing it. This way if they want to read it they can. And if they don't, they don't have too. But it will be out here, out of my head.

Do I have anything to say?

That is the question. Do I have anything to say that hasn't been said before? Are there people out there who will even be the least bit interested in what I have to say?
This is it. This is what I have to say. We, my husband and I, are the middle aged parents of two, grandparents of on adoreable little boy, and guardian parents to 7 1/2 yr. old twins. They have become our lives. We believe that is was God's will that we take these children into our home and make it their home too. What we didn't know at the time, we took them in for good at 23 mos., was all the problems they would have. And how those problems would change our lives.