Saturday, September 22, 2012

Tired of it all!

I truly am tired of it all. None of this is my fault. It was never my plan for things to happen this way. 7 yrs. ago when I said, "Why don't you let us keep the twins til you get your life together." I thought, in all my naivety, that she would do just that. Pull her life together for the sake of the kids. It's not my fault that didn't happen. Throughput the whole thing I have tried to maintain a relationship with their biological family as much as possible because I thought, and still do think, that it's important for them to have a relationship with their mother, their siblings, and other members of their family. It's also not my fault that their mother made wrong choices time after time. That she would pop in and out of their lives constantly, or that her popping deeply effected the twins. Steven especially has been hurt by it all. He has always been very loyal to his mother. Last winter when she came back and promised all kinds of things that never came true, Steven was devestated and started acting out very badly. It was very scarey for a while and pretty much took over my entire life. There were days I actually had to lock is in the house just to make sure he didn't do anything that would hurt himself or anyone else. And we had to call crisis counseling. Steven has made a lot of improvement. We are having him assessed to see if there is something psychologically wrong. I am also homeschooling both of them which is going well. Unfortunately recently some things have happened recently that has made their bio family mad at me. Our counselor has said that she thinks it's best if they have no contact with their mom at this time, and of course that made her angry. But we have to do what's best for the children. I worry that Steven will be angry when he finds out. He hasn't brought her up so either have we. I feel bad about this. I don't like to be at odds with anyone. But once again none of this was my doing. I am just doing all I can to do what's right for the twins.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Hard Decisions

Yesterday I made a hard decision. Actually I didn't make it, it was made for me by our counselor, but I was still the one who had to do the deed and I was not happy doing it although I think, I hope it's for the best. I have always tried to be kind, tried to be fair, tried to be nice, but my (our) first responsibility is always to the twins. To do what is best for them. If there is fall out we will handle that when it happens. Baileigh knows what has happened and she is fine with the decision. Steven does not know yet. We decided that instead of telling him right off we will wait until it comes up. I know he will be upset and I hate that. But he knows we love him And he knows that any decision we make is because we want what is best for them.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Catch Up!!!!!

Haven't written for almost a month because we've been veeerrryyy busy. We've been having a crisis counselor come once or twice a week to work with Steven. Baileigh gets into it too which can't hurt her any, and I think it's helped Steven a lot. He's doing much better than he was 6 mos. ago. I rarely have to lock us in anymore, and there's been no more climbing or playing with fire. Thank God! We also started seeing a new counselor in Mt. Sterling. She works with me and the kids. Oh yes, we are also having Steven assessed by a psychologist from Transitions in Quincy. Both counselors think there's something more going on with him than adhd. We should get the results in a month or so. Makes me nervous but I know we can better help him if we know what's going on. On top of that is the Homeschooling. It's going well I think. They have started on their third grade workbooks and are wonderful about doing their work for me. We also have fun. They go horseback riding almost every week and will be til it gets too cold. We visited the Quincy Museum and are going back this month for their Colonial days. We also plan to go to SIU for a children's production on the Presidents and may go back in Feb. for a Little House on the Prairie one. And don't forget our Reese and Ella day every Tuesday. That's always fun. :)