A Lot On My Mind/Or What's Left Of It LOL

Who was I before I was who I am now? I don't think I remember that person. What happened to the life I used to have? To the life I thought I would have? We all know the answer(s) to this. They're called the Twins, the Twinkies, the Kids. My life. That is what happened to my life, it became their life. Their lives? My whole world revolves around those children. What's going on with them? What's the best for them? And don't take me wrong. I love those children. I've loved them since before they were born. Since the first time I saw them on their mother's sonogram. Babies A & B. But life has become something I didn't know it would be. A struggle. Because they struggle. Because they have the difficulties that they have. Because their parents were and are still so messed up and that continues to effect them. It continues to effect us all. I'm not trying to be depressing. Although I spend a lot of my time sounding that way because I am. I am not sorry we made the choice we made, to take the twins. They need(ed) us and we believe it was God's plan for us to take care of them. To hopefully give them a good life. To do what's best for them. But it is so hard. It has taken over our lives. Mine and Davey's. And I love him for it. It was my idea in the first place. He just kind of went along for the ride. And boy what a ride it is. We had no idea at first that they had problems. As they got older they started to appear and when we look back we can see that they were there all along. We just didn't see it. We have no real life of our own like most people our age do. I have very few real friends. You know, the kind you do things with. Because most people my age are done raising kids. They're working, etc. Doing whatever it is people my age without kids do. I have no idea because I'm not doing it. I'm raising kids. Davey and I try not to be consumed by it all. But it's hard when there's medicine to be taken, Drs. and counselors to see, meltdowns to cool down. Children to love. We snatch whatever little moments we can and try to hold on to each other. But it is hard. I never ask why though? I know why. They are why.