Yesterday

I was going to write last night but my facebook page wouldn't behave. Probably a good thing as I was tired and depressed. Feel a little bit better this morning, although our morning's are rarely pleasant and this one was no different. Steven almost always has problems in the morning before his meds kick in. And sometimes he won't take them right away which makes it even worse. Yesterday I felt bad for many reasons. It is hard to be a mom to two children with "issues ", and a Grandma at the same time. I adore my grandbabies. Just hearing their voices over the phone or seeing them makes me smile. But when I have all four together I feel like I cannot be the Grandma I want to be, because I have to deal with the twins at the same time. And I love them too. They are my children too. Not of my body but of my heart. Baileigh adores the grandkids but sometimes she gets her nose out of joint and is not as nice to them, or at least to Reese as she should be. It's her fault he expects her to be his constant playmate. She made him that way when he was a baby. But now sometimes she doesn't want to be and she's not nice to him. Which hurts me too because he's just a little guy and I love him so. There are other things that bother me too. Like when people tell me what we should be doing with the twins, or not be doing, when they have no idea what our lives are like. Like the fact that sometimes I feel like an awful Christian because I get angry and frustrated and sometimes lose my temper. Because I have to take meds myself to keep myself from having a nervous breakdown. Does that mean I don't have enough faith in God? I never thought I'd have to take drugs. I always felt I was a strong person. Noe I don't know.