Tired of it all!

I truly am tired of it all. None of this is my fault. It was never my plan for things to happen this way. 7 yrs. ago when I said, "Why don't you let us keep the twins til you get your life together." I thought, in all my naivety, that she would do just that. Pull her life together for the sake of the kids. It's not my fault that didn't happen. Throughput the whole thing I have tried to maintain a relationship with their biological family as much as possible because I thought, and still do think, that it's important for them to have a relationship with their mother, their siblings, and other members of their family. It's also not my fault that their mother made wrong choices time after time. That she would pop in and out of their lives constantly, or that her popping deeply effected the twins. Steven especially has been hurt by it all. He has always been very loyal to his mother. Last winter when she came back and promised all kinds of things that never came true, Steven was devestated and started acting out very badly. It was very scarey for a while and pretty much took over my entire life. There were days I actually had to lock is in the house just to make sure he didn't do anything that would hurt himself or anyone else. And we had to call crisis counseling. Steven has made a lot of improvement. We are having him assessed to see if there is something psychologically wrong. I am also homeschooling both of them which is going well. Unfortunately recently some things have happened recently that has made their bio family mad at me. Our counselor has said that she thinks it's best if they have no contact with their mom at this time, and of course that made her angry. But we have to do what's best for the children. I worry that Steven will be angry when he finds out. He hasn't brought her up so either have we. I feel bad about this. I don't like to be at odds with anyone. But once again none of this was my doing. I am just doing all I can to do what's right for the twins.

Hard Decisions

Yesterday I made a hard decision. Actually I didn't make it, it was made for me by our counselor, but I was still the one who had to do the deed and I was not happy doing it although I think, I hope it's for the best. I have always tried to be kind, tried to be fair, tried to be nice, but my (our) first responsibility is always to the twins. To do what is best for them. If there is fall out we will handle that when it happens. Baileigh knows what has happened and she is fine with the decision. Steven does not know yet. We decided that instead of telling him right off we will wait until it comes up. I know he will be upset and I hate that. But he knows we love him And he knows that any decision we make is because we want what is best for them.

Catch Up!!!!!

Haven't written for almost a month because we've been veeerrryyy busy. We've been having a crisis counselor come once or twice a week to work with Steven. Baileigh gets into it too which can't hurt her any, and I think it's helped Steven a lot. He's doing much better than he was 6 mos. ago. I rarely have to lock us in anymore, and there's been no more climbing or playing with fire. Thank God! We also started seeing a new counselor in Mt. Sterling. She works with me and the kids. Oh yes, we are also having Steven assessed by a psychologist from Transitions in Quincy. Both counselors think there's something more going on with him than adhd. We should get the results in a month or so. Makes me nervous but I know we can better help him if we know what's going on. On top of that is the Homeschooling. It's going well I think. They have started on their third grade workbooks and are wonderful about doing their work for me. We also have fun. They go horseback riding almost every week and will be til it gets too cold. We visited the Quincy Museum and are going back this month for their Colonial days. We also plan to go to SIU for a children's production on the Presidents and may go back in Feb. for a Little House on the Prairie one. And don't forget our Reese and Ella day every Tuesday. That's always fun. :)

HUH!!!!!

In order to prepare the twins for homeschooling I have been trying to get them to do a little bit of work every day. In workbooks from school last year and workbooks I have bought them. It has been a struggle and only makes me wonder what our year will bring. Today Steven did okay except he seems to think he's the boss. And Baileigh acted as if she was braindead. Se have a slightly busy schedule. Most Monday's should be free, today we had Drs. appts. Tuesday we have Reese and Ella, so I don't know if anything will get done on that day. Weds. we have horse riding lessons until it gets cold out. Thursdays we have counseling in Mt. Sterling. And we normally have in home counseling two days a week. So our school has to be worked around all these things. I want to do fun things but the core things need to get done. Hopefully as we get going they will get used to it and do better.

Where does a Grandma go for a day off?

Don't take me wrong, I'm all for our homeschooling plans. It's just that sometimes, after a week like this when we've been going, going, all week long, I am totally wiped out. I want to sit and read my book and maybe go to bed early. But there's still supper to be made, and the dishes are overflowing, and so is the laundry. And they need done tonight beause tomorrow we're going to Chuckee Cheese to meet up with my brother and, and Tyler and Apryl too, which will be cool, but more driving which exhausts me. And Saturday we're supposed to go see Dana in Quincy. More driving for me. I'm sure I'll feel better after a good night's sleep but right now I just need a break. :)

Our First Day

Tried to get up and going today. Did not go as well as I would have liked. Tomorrow we have to because it will be our first day of watching Reese and Ella. Yes, Gab's going back to work. She wants us to go get them so tomorrow alarms will all be set for 7 so we can get out of here hopefully on time. Today we also started our homeschooling. We went over the rules together and wrote them down in our notebooks. I don't believe in having a rigid schedule though so it's just a general guide. Not written in stone. I have bought plenty of 3rd grade workbooks but right now we're finishing up the 2nd grade workbooks they brought home at the end of last year. I also have fun things planned. Taking walks, I need the exercise. Lol There are also games to play, outings to take, and books I want us to read together. I am already looking forward to the Christmas season because there will be baking and crafts. I know there will be struggles. Steven and I already had one today. But I also know we can do this. We can make it work!

Adventures in Homeschooling

We are getting ready to start a new school year. The twins will be in 3rd grade, and this year we will be homeschooling. I was hoping that we could remain at the school they have gone to for the last three years, but because of Steven's difficulties I took him out in the spring and we will not be going back. It was a good school but not equipped to deal with our problems. I have had numerous people ask me why I'm homeschooling both and not just Steven. I have a few reasons for this. She wants to stay home. It's easier on me. And this way they'll at least have each other. Homeschooling was our last option and I was personally hoping we wouldn't have to. I cherish my little bits of freedom. But now that it is a fact of our lives, I'm fine with it. I homeschooled my other two kids for a number of years and we had a good time. I can do it again. I know I can. I know I can. Also with both of their problems and all our counseling and other appointments I think it's a good idea. One of the twins' problems is that they have relationship issues. They really don't have any close friends. They don't seem to care but it does bother me. We are waiting at this time to see a specialist and get a firm diagnosis on Steven. Then we can better deal with it. It's easier to deal with something if you know what it is. Another reason for homeschooling is that I want to go back in time. To a time when life was simpler. I want to grow things, and make things, and teach the twins what's important in life, people, family, friends. God. Not the things of the world. So here's to our new adventures! May God guide us on our way.