Proud Mama

Today we went with a friend to the Doctor's office. We've been really busy this week so the twins have been doing a lot of schoolwork in the car. Next week should be better on that note. Anyway, we were sitting there in the waiting room, me with a twin on each side of me. Baileigh was reading her free reading book, Steven was working in a math workbook. Both just working away. Being quiet. Being good. I got up to use the restroom. As I walked by another lady sitting there she stopped me and proceeded to tell me what good children I had. I said thank-you. And from behind me Baileigh says, "We're not always this good." Ha ha. When I came back the woman asked me why they weren't in school and I told her that we homeschool. She started asking me questions about homeschooling. She was very interested in what we did. Then she told me again what good kids they were and how most kids she saw in the Drs. waiting room were bouncing all over the place. And I thought, you know what? They are good kids. They've been through a lot. We've been through a lot. But they have come so far. I can see both of them turning that corner from childhood to preteen. It's a bit scary, but I am proud of the maturity I see beginning to come out. I am proud of them. I am proud of the family that we have made. AND, just a funny little side note, when we were leaving she said good-bye to us and told Baileigh she was a beautiful girl and looked a lot like her mother, me. LOL It's the brown hair and eyes. :)

A day in the life of .......

Just thought I'd let anyone that cared what a day in the life of a homeschool mom is like. Was woken up at 6:00 by children who feel the need to rise early in order to race outside ti feed the chickens. Before school I folded a load of laundry, put in another, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, fed the dogs, talked to my daughter, made my bed, taken a shower, and gotten dressed. School started at 10:00. Just so you know, school starts whenever it starts, not the same time every day. Sometimes we have appointments to work around. I love, love, love, the curriculum we're using this year.It's called The Prairie Primer and is based on the Little House books. I read a chapter in one of the books every day. Then our science, spelling,history, etc. comes out of it. Math and Cursive Writing are seperate.So far we have learned about owls, eagles, bears, light prisms, and today we learned about guns and gun safety. Baileigh was a little bored, but I was very pleased that Steven, who wants to be a hunter as well as a fisherman, knew all about gun safety already because of videos he has watched. After school we ran our neighbor to one Griggsville to the bank and put gas in my car. Then we ran to 'Dosh, got rid of our recyclables, went to Dollar General, Flynn 's and the library. Then home to put everything away. I am now taking a rest but soon must wash the kitchen floor and get supper. Then up to church to watch the twins mow. I do that so it doesn't turn into a lawnmower demolition derby. :)

Once again ....

Thought I did this last night but then couldn't fb it and when I looked for it later it was gone. I haven't written for a long time. No real reason. Justly didn't take the time. Things are going fine. Still have issues here and there but that's just the way life is. There issues will always be there. Just learning, all of us, how to manage them. We have started school. I have turned our dining room into a classroom. We begin each school day saying our pledges, American, Christian, and Bible. The kids are really good about doing schoolwork for me. For this I am thankful. This year we are using the Prairie Primer. It has daily lessons based on each chapter of the Little House books. I ordered seperate math and handwriting. So far we have had two days of school. I hope to do three or four days a week.

Mixed emotions.

I am both happy and sad tonight, which is really making me an emotional mess. Lol On one hand my oldest son is getting married tomorrow and for that I am excited and happy. The girl he has chosen to marry is very good for him. I can't wait for tomorrow afternoon so we can go to the wedding. The twins and the grandbabies, along with the brides to younger brothers are going to be in the wedding so it will be extra wonderful On the other hand one of my dearest friends, a woman I could never have imagined becoming friends/sisters with has just recently found out she has colon cancer. This of course makes me very sad and concerned for her. She is basically alone where she is and although I plan to be there as much as possible for her, distance, money, and other responsibilities, ie the twins and grandkids, will make it impossible to be there as much as I would like. I wish she still lived in front of me, although where she has moved has been good for her financially. But if she still lived here I could take better care of her. The twins love her dearly too. She has been part of their life since the beginning. So this is difficult on them too. Today we accompanied her to two different appointments and I was very proud of how well they behaved. Please anyone who reads this keep her in your prayers. Pray that God give her comfort, strength, and people who will be there for her.

Ten!

In 10 days the twins will be 10!!!Boggles the mind doesn't it!?!? Just thought I'd recap what's been going on the last year. I am very happy. Things are going very well. Oh, we still have our occasional meltdown, those are never any fun. But they are far and few between and we have learned how to better handle them when they do happen. We also have a girl who seems to think she's already a teenager! Yee gads! I am in no way ready for that!!! Both kids still go to counseling. Steven has been going more than Bay because he was the one having more problems, but I have recently talked to the counselor about seeing little Miss Puberty more often to work on her lovely attitude, and the way she treats her brother. She is something else! :) Steven is doing do much better then he was a year ago. I can see them both maturing and it makes me very happy. Steven also takes Occupational Therapy and Speech Therapy once a week. Homeschooling is going very well too. I never have any trouble getting them to do their lessons. Baileigh is ahead of Steven and I have spent a great deal of time saying, "It is not a race." That's one of the good things about homeschooling, every child can work at their own pace. We are going to have school all summer as it only takes a couple of hours a day anyway. We planted a big garden this year, and got a couple of chickens. We have a zoo going on here. My goal is to teach the twins how to be self sufficient. They also help Dayday mow at home and church, and this year are going to get paid for it. Dayday says they must give some to God, save some (I'm hoping to start savings accounts. ",and keep the rest. This will be especially good for Steven a.s he has a problem saving money. I guess that's all for now. It's been a pretty good year. There have been tough times like I said, but overall I am happy with our progress. Just can't believe our "twinkies " are going to be 10!

Good days!

Ha ha! The title got you right away didn't it? Me, the big complainer, whiner is posting about good days! But basically that is what we are having. We haven't had a meltdown in weeks. There have been problems, and some of them are concerning, but overall everything is going well. They do their schoolwork well. They keep their chicken coop and pet cages clean. They help with chores for free and payment when asked. I am overall a happy mama. And hopefully now that I've written no one has a meltdown. :)

:(

I'M not in a really good mood this afternoon, and I don't know why. We had Apryl from Friday til today, went to Mallory 's birthday party, and basically had a good weekend. Even though we got snowed in. I've never minded being snowed in as long as we have heat and food I'm good. :) We talked about a lot of "issues " over the weekend. That's probably what's got me down. People should really think about how their decisions and choices affect others around them. Steven had a major meltdown this morning because of some things that were discussed this weekend. My bad I guess. Must be more careful. I had to hold him down for a while. It's not a pleasant experience and inevitably makes me sad.

Superwoman!

Yes. That is how I'm feeling today. Depressed. And I'm on medication for that. So what gives? And I'm a Christian. Supposed to turn it all over to God. Right? So what's my problem? Why do I feel like this? Oh, ye of little faith, right? No. I know He's here with me. That doesn't stop me from feeling down. There always seems to be one more thing. Now on top of homeschooling, housework, Counseling appointments, Orthodontist appointments, etc. We can add Speech Therapy and Occupational Therapy. AND I'm supposed to work with him (them) at home too. Because I have soooo much spare time, right? Does anyone see a cape on my back? Because I think I'm supposed to be Superwoman.

Yesterday

I was going to write last night but my facebook page wouldn't behave. Probably a good thing as I was tired and depressed. Feel a little bit better this morning, although our morning's are rarely pleasant and this one was no different. Steven almost always has problems in the morning before his meds kick in. And sometimes he won't take them right away which makes it even worse. Yesterday I felt bad for many reasons. It is hard to be a mom to two children with "issues ", and a Grandma at the same time. I adore my grandbabies. Just hearing their voices over the phone or seeing them makes me smile. But when I have all four together I feel like I cannot be the Grandma I want to be, because I have to deal with the twins at the same time. And I love them too. They are my children too. Not of my body but of my heart. Baileigh adores the grandkids but sometimes she gets her nose out of joint and is not as nice to them, or at least to Reese as she should be. It's her fault he expects her to be his constant playmate. She made him that way when he was a baby. But now sometimes she doesn't want to be and she's not nice to him. Which hurts me too because he's just a little guy and I love him so. There are other things that bother me too. Like when people tell me what we should be doing with the twins, or not be doing, when they have no idea what our lives are like. Like the fact that sometimes I feel like an awful Christian because I get angry and frustrated and sometimes lose my temper. Because I have to take meds myself to keep myself from having a nervous breakdown. Does that mean I don't have enough faith in God? I never thought I'd have to take drugs. I always felt I was a strong person. Noe I don't know.

Back

I have missed my blog so have decided to start it up again. There is such a thing in this country as freedom of speech. I never wrote anything to intentionally hurt anyone, but at the same time I told the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts. I started this blog for a couple of reasons, mostly so that anyone interested could get an idea of what our lives are like. Right now things are going pretty well. Steven's doing much better. He still has meltdowns but not as often and we are learning how to better handle them, although sometimes we don't handle them as well as we should. Homeschooling is going well. They are both good about settling down to do their work. The biggest problem we have is finding the time to time to do it. On an average we have two or three appts. a week. I try to make our appointments in the afternoon because if we don't Steven can't get motivated to do his work. I guess that's all for now. :)

Last Post

I just read an interesting blog about blogging, and as my blog has recently caused me some problem I will not be doing it anymore. My intent was never to upset anyone, it was an outlet for my feelings, good or bad. As a human being I have both of those things. I am not quitting because people got upset with what I wrote. I have a right to my freedom of speech. I didn't tell any lies. I didn't mention anyone's name. I have decided to quit because I don't need any more stress and upset in my life. So from now on if anyone wants to know what's going on in my life, you'll have to ask me. And if you don't care? Well then this is your lucky day. :)

Tired of it all!

I truly am tired of it all. None of this is my fault. It was never my plan for things to happen this way. 7 yrs. ago when I said, "Why don't you let us keep the twins til you get your life together." I thought, in all my naivety, that she would do just that. Pull her life together for the sake of the kids. It's not my fault that didn't happen. Throughput the whole thing I have tried to maintain a relationship with their biological family as much as possible because I thought, and still do think, that it's important for them to have a relationship with their mother, their siblings, and other members of their family. It's also not my fault that their mother made wrong choices time after time. That she would pop in and out of their lives constantly, or that her popping deeply effected the twins. Steven especially has been hurt by it all. He has always been very loyal to his mother. Last winter when she came back and promised all kinds of things that never came true, Steven was devestated and started acting out very badly. It was very scarey for a while and pretty much took over my entire life. There were days I actually had to lock is in the house just to make sure he didn't do anything that would hurt himself or anyone else. And we had to call crisis counseling. Steven has made a lot of improvement. We are having him assessed to see if there is something psychologically wrong. I am also homeschooling both of them which is going well. Unfortunately recently some things have happened recently that has made their bio family mad at me. Our counselor has said that she thinks it's best if they have no contact with their mom at this time, and of course that made her angry. But we have to do what's best for the children. I worry that Steven will be angry when he finds out. He hasn't brought her up so either have we. I feel bad about this. I don't like to be at odds with anyone. But once again none of this was my doing. I am just doing all I can to do what's right for the twins.

Hard Decisions

Yesterday I made a hard decision. Actually I didn't make it, it was made for me by our counselor, but I was still the one who had to do the deed and I was not happy doing it although I think, I hope it's for the best. I have always tried to be kind, tried to be fair, tried to be nice, but my (our) first responsibility is always to the twins. To do what is best for them. If there is fall out we will handle that when it happens. Baileigh knows what has happened and she is fine with the decision. Steven does not know yet. We decided that instead of telling him right off we will wait until it comes up. I know he will be upset and I hate that. But he knows we love him And he knows that any decision we make is because we want what is best for them.

Catch Up!!!!!

Haven't written for almost a month because we've been veeerrryyy busy. We've been having a crisis counselor come once or twice a week to work with Steven. Baileigh gets into it too which can't hurt her any, and I think it's helped Steven a lot. He's doing much better than he was 6 mos. ago. I rarely have to lock us in anymore, and there's been no more climbing or playing with fire. Thank God! We also started seeing a new counselor in Mt. Sterling. She works with me and the kids. Oh yes, we are also having Steven assessed by a psychologist from Transitions in Quincy. Both counselors think there's something more going on with him than adhd. We should get the results in a month or so. Makes me nervous but I know we can better help him if we know what's going on. On top of that is the Homeschooling. It's going well I think. They have started on their third grade workbooks and are wonderful about doing their work for me. We also have fun. They go horseback riding almost every week and will be til it gets too cold. We visited the Quincy Museum and are going back this month for their Colonial days. We also plan to go to SIU for a children's production on the Presidents and may go back in Feb. for a Little House on the Prairie one. And don't forget our Reese and Ella day every Tuesday. That's always fun. :)

HUH!!!!!

In order to prepare the twins for homeschooling I have been trying to get them to do a little bit of work every day. In workbooks from school last year and workbooks I have bought them. It has been a struggle and only makes me wonder what our year will bring. Today Steven did okay except he seems to think he's the boss. And Baileigh acted as if she was braindead. Se have a slightly busy schedule. Most Monday's should be free, today we had Drs. appts. Tuesday we have Reese and Ella, so I don't know if anything will get done on that day. Weds. we have horse riding lessons until it gets cold out. Thursdays we have counseling in Mt. Sterling. And we normally have in home counseling two days a week. So our school has to be worked around all these things. I want to do fun things but the core things need to get done. Hopefully as we get going they will get used to it and do better.

Where does a Grandma go for a day off?

Don't take me wrong, I'm all for our homeschooling plans. It's just that sometimes, after a week like this when we've been going, going, all week long, I am totally wiped out. I want to sit and read my book and maybe go to bed early. But there's still supper to be made, and the dishes are overflowing, and so is the laundry. And they need done tonight beause tomorrow we're going to Chuckee Cheese to meet up with my brother and, and Tyler and Apryl too, which will be cool, but more driving which exhausts me. And Saturday we're supposed to go see Dana in Quincy. More driving for me. I'm sure I'll feel better after a good night's sleep but right now I just need a break. :)

Our First Day

Tried to get up and going today. Did not go as well as I would have liked. Tomorrow we have to because it will be our first day of watching Reese and Ella. Yes, Gab's going back to work. She wants us to go get them so tomorrow alarms will all be set for 7 so we can get out of here hopefully on time. Today we also started our homeschooling. We went over the rules together and wrote them down in our notebooks. I don't believe in having a rigid schedule though so it's just a general guide. Not written in stone. I have bought plenty of 3rd grade workbooks but right now we're finishing up the 2nd grade workbooks they brought home at the end of last year. I also have fun things planned. Taking walks, I need the exercise. Lol There are also games to play, outings to take, and books I want us to read together. I am already looking forward to the Christmas season because there will be baking and crafts. I know there will be struggles. Steven and I already had one today. But I also know we can do this. We can make it work!

Adventures in Homeschooling

We are getting ready to start a new school year. The twins will be in 3rd grade, and this year we will be homeschooling. I was hoping that we could remain at the school they have gone to for the last three years, but because of Steven's difficulties I took him out in the spring and we will not be going back. It was a good school but not equipped to deal with our problems. I have had numerous people ask me why I'm homeschooling both and not just Steven. I have a few reasons for this. She wants to stay home. It's easier on me. And this way they'll at least have each other. Homeschooling was our last option and I was personally hoping we wouldn't have to. I cherish my little bits of freedom. But now that it is a fact of our lives, I'm fine with it. I homeschooled my other two kids for a number of years and we had a good time. I can do it again. I know I can. I know I can. Also with both of their problems and all our counseling and other appointments I think it's a good idea. One of the twins' problems is that they have relationship issues. They really don't have any close friends. They don't seem to care but it does bother me. We are waiting at this time to see a specialist and get a firm diagnosis on Steven. Then we can better deal with it. It's easier to deal with something if you know what it is. Another reason for homeschooling is that I want to go back in time. To a time when life was simpler. I want to grow things, and make things, and teach the twins what's important in life, people, family, friends. God. Not the things of the world. So here's to our new adventures! May God guide us on our way.

10 things the twins have taught me.

1. Blood and dna do not necessarily make a family. Love does. 2. Sometimes God's plan for your life is different from your own. 3. God will give you what you need to do what you need to do. 4. Trials not only make you stronger. They also make your marriage stronger. 5. There are "friends ", and then there are friends. 6. You don't need a lot of friends. Just a few really good ones. 7. Looks can be deceiving. Just because a child looks "normal", does not mean they are. 8. Normal is a stupid word. 9. My life is not my own. To do with as I please. 10.God will make a way when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way for me.(Us)

4th of July

Silly me. I thought it would be nice to have the whole family over and I was so excited that everyone could make it. Derek, Gabrielle and the kids, Garrett and Shayla. We don't see them, Garrett and Shayla, very much, and I want to have a better relationship with them. So I invited and everyone came. I figured they kids could swim. We had sparklers and snakes tor later. Davey grilled out hamburgers, Gab brought a jello cake, all decorated with strawberries and blueberries, very pretty, and for a while, a little while, everything was tine. But then as usual everything was too much for both Baileigh and Steven and they started acting out, awfully. Steven went as far as to accuse me of not wanting them. He said I hated him, he hated me, and he wanted to live with his "other" mother. I know he didn't mean it. I told him I loved all of them. I know this is just one of those things that are just part of our life with the twins, but knowing it doesn't make it any easier. So much for us having "normal " get togethers. Normal's such a stupid word!